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Grilling George Foreman by Danielle Xaviera Stone I ordered one of those George Foreman Grills, and it got busted up in transit so they sent out a repairman by the name of George Foreman... odd enough on its own; but as it turns out, all the repairmen for the George Foreman Grill Co. are named--are you ready for this?--George Foreman! "It's part of the job," said George Foreman, a small balding white man who is chief foreman at the George Foreman Grill Factory located in GeorgeForemansville, TN. "We're all George Foreman here, and you know what?... we love it!" I finally spoke with him last Friday, after two weeks of being given the runaround by some jerk in the office there named George Foreman. "It's all part of a sinister yet wonderful plan we have to change the face of corporate structure in America," said yet another George Foreman on condition of anonymity. "Once everyone in the company is named George Foreman, it will be devilishly hard for any investigative body or outside authority to regulate us in any way;if they want to, say, subpoena George Foreman, they'll have to subpoena every George Foreman in America! There should be no accountability when it comes to bringing quality cookware to the teeming masses, and we will stop at nothing, not even murder , to attain our ends!" Said another George Foreman of unknown origin, "We're training hundreds of new George Foremans everyday, and hoping to organize a Million-George-Foreman-March on Washington, perhaps as early as next spring... we plan to occupy the Mall and demonstrate the wonderful ease of the George Foreman Grill for all of America to see!... so everyone, get your buns down there and join us!" he finishes with a big shit-eating grin, then guffaws loudly in a truly irritating way. The actual original George Foreman could not be reached for comment, nor any of his children or their clones. All of this hooplah has excited the attention of b-movie mogul Roger Corman, whose interest in producing a film on the life of George Foreman has run into some problems. "He doesn't want to change his name to George Foreman!" shouts yet another George Foreman in obvious frustration. "They've offered a compromise in which he changes his name to George Corman, but that's not gonna do it. All the original George Foreman wants if for the credits to read Produced and Directed by George Foreman... it doesn't matter which George Foreman, because in George Foreman's eyes, all George Foremans are equal...all that matters is that the acknowledgement appears and stays on the screen for the entire film." One question remains: Will George Foreman eventually take over the world? "We have no plans for world domination on the table at this time," said the company's lawyer, a rather youngish George Foreman in a "Hi, my name's George Foreman!" t-shirt... "Look, there's no real law against forming an army of George Foremans; and the military maneuvers we practice on George Foreman Island in the South Pacific is no cause for alarm, either... it's private property, and what we do there is no one's business but George Foreman's! As long as we keep on cooking delicious low-fat hotdogs and hamburgers, and don't actually deploy our forces in an aggressive manner, they can't touch us!" | ||||||||